We are always talking to ourselves. All the time. Engaging in discursive thought, sometimes we are conscious of this, others not.
And the words we say to and about ourselves shape our mental and emotional state, and with them, our habits, life, and destiny.
This we all know. But how nice have you been to yourself in this regard?
Personally, I would say; not nice at all. I am even more careful of what I say to others than what I say to me. Growing up in a verbally abusive environment, negative, abusive and deprecating words were my daily meal (breakfast lunch and dinner).
Growing up in such environment with a hard to (or can never be ) please(d) father, I had to constantly do things to get my fathers approval, to please him; invariantly I became overly critical of myself, with high and unrealistic expectations of myself. Nothing I did (right or wrong) was ever good enough (as I assumed they won’t be good enough for my dad). I lost myself in the process of trying to please my dad and others (because I assumed I wasn’t good enough for anyone).
The words I heard growing up, I reechoed them and more to myself. I abuse, critic, condemn and belittle myself too with my own words.
Yes, I do read the Bible. And I know every scripture about confessions, and how they determine what and how we receive from God, how they create our lives etc.
But you see, the struggle is real (then and now). The struggle of practicing the things I read in the Bible and other books. The struggle to consciously debunk the lies I have been told about myself and the ones I tell myself, replacing them with the truth is more difficult in reality. A lot of times, my brain fights this truth because that’s not what its used to.
How do you change your words so you can create the life you want?
Affirmations, positive confessions.
This is what I am doing to change my words. I am framing words of affirmations and being more intentional with what I say to myself.
I do know that consciously altering our habitual self-talk, changing the way we talk to myself, may sound awkward and hypocritical at first.
We may even experience frustration and irritation as internal psychological shifts in attitude and perception begins to take place.
Despite this, and the fact that our mind may sometimes betray us with negative emotions, insecurity or despair. We can and will use verbal affirmations to make a friend and ally with our negative, fearful, critical and abused mind.
How to use Affirmations and positive confessions to change your words:
Become aware of your current self-talk patterns. E.g when I say “I don’t know” (‘I don’t know’ is typically the first thing that pops out of my mouth when you ask me a question or anything. I found out that I rarely give my opinion about anything at all because of the fear of being ridiculed, disapproved, criticised or verbally abused for it– this has something to do with my childhood.) etc, rather than judge myself and beat myself up for blowing it again, I can listen to them without judgment, and use them as a guide to formulate my positive, consciously chosen alternatives.
Understand that these negative patterns were our minds way of protecting itself, of adapting to the series of traumatic situations we faced, of adapting to a hostile and abusive environment, and gently begin turning them around and replacing them with a healthier alternative.
Phrase self-talk positively. Thinking only of your desired goal. Get a notebook if possible, write down your affirmations in the present tense, stating what you want rather than what you are running from.
Read those words to yourself daily (preferably the first thing you say to yourself in the morning and the last thing before you sleep). You can also write a couple of them on post-it notes and put them in your wallet/purse to review all day.
Track or chart your progress.
We use words every day to communicate, to express our feelings and thoughts, but we often forget how powerful they can be and how important it is to choose them with care if we wish to attract love, happiness, and success. Make a pact with yourself (as I did) to be more intentional with the words you speak to and about yourself.
Change your words, change your life.
Over to you:
Do you believe that our words create our lives? How has your word (good or bad) influenced your life (business and relationships) lately? What would you add to this post?